if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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