i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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