sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
