Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
