I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
