Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize