Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
