dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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