He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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