We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
