I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
