So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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