Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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