My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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