I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
