We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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