take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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