So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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