You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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