We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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