CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
