I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
