You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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