god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
