i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
