Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
