I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
they're like a gay fantastic four
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
