I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
