I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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