sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
