Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
is this the sara with the beer cane?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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