obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Blood and glitter go together right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
