Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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