Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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