the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
