After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
