Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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