I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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