No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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