Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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