She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
