do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
