I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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