why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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