seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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