Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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