Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
