So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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