Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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