Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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