Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
