our cab driver is having phone sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
