if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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