her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
