DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
