capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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