grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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