My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
